[ she feels terrible for dragging finn into this, but it's the rita farr way. making a scene about her troubles, putting on a show of how utterly distraught she is. except for once, she really wished people hadn't seen her. not today. not like that.
when he responds, she can hear the desperate enthusiasm in his voice and, oh, how she wishes she could swallow it all up and take a piece of it for herself, to not be so easily pulled back into the corner of self deprivation the moment someone points out everything that's wrong with her.
even as he tries to point out the good, rita still wonders if it's enough. ]
What if my trying just hurts other people? Doesn't that defeat the purpose? Wouldn't that just negate the trying?
[ maybe she's being difficult, but β if she accepts all that positivity, isn't that just trying to put a mask over everything wrong about her again? ]
I'm sorry, Finn. Hearing you say all of that about me, it ... it really does make me happy to hear. I just β do you ever get scared that people who like you will find out about an ugly thing you did and they won't like you anymore?
[ Rita was right; there were limits to what a teenager could say, particularly this teenager. Finn's own method of working through those moments of doubt was often to dive into his own moody depression. Or, in the best case scenario, bury the bad feelings so deep inside himself that they couldn't possibly get out. That is, until they invariably did, even if Finn didn't have the experience or self-reflectiveness to recognize how point A led to point B.
Such as now, when her last sentence strikes a unpleasant chord inside his chest. ]
I--[ He stops short, face falling into an unseen frown. ] I don't know. I mean, I like to think everyone here's done some ugly stuff. That's why we're here, right? Maybe some are worse than other people, but... being here means wanting to undo that, right?
That has to count for something, doesn't it?
[ Is he reassuring himself or her? It's suddenly not very clear. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
when he responds, she can hear the desperate enthusiasm in his voice and, oh, how she wishes she could swallow it all up and take a piece of it for herself, to not be so easily pulled back into the corner of self deprivation the moment someone points out everything that's wrong with her.
even as he tries to point out the good, rita still wonders if it's enough. ]
What if my trying just hurts other people? Doesn't that defeat the purpose? Wouldn't that just negate the trying?
[ maybe she's being difficult, but β if she accepts all that positivity, isn't that just trying to put a mask over everything wrong about her again? ]
I'm sorry, Finn. Hearing you say all of that about me, it ... it really does make me happy to hear. I just β do you ever get scared that people who like you will find out about an ugly thing you did and they won't like you anymore?
no subject
Such as now, when her last sentence strikes a unpleasant chord inside his chest. ]
I--[ He stops short, face falling into an unseen frown. ] I don't know. I mean, I like to think everyone here's done some ugly stuff. That's why we're here, right? Maybe some are worse than other people, but... being here means wanting to undo that, right?
That has to count for something, doesn't it?
[ Is he reassuring himself or her? It's suddenly not very clear. ]