[ The bluntness and honesty in her answer takes Finn aback. He's not quite sure how to respond for a moment, so used to the push and pull of a crew member's emotional reticence and his own insistences. This was usually the part where he would start encouraging them to believe in the value of sharing what was inside them, with varying degrees of invasiveness.
Now Finn got exactly what he wanted from an adult on this ship, finally, and he had no clue what to do with it.
that's not true
you ARE worth it rita!!
that sounds like a lot
Finn shakes his head. Nothing was coming together right. He switches to voice, hoping the words would sound better with a voice attached to them... somehow. ]
I don't-- [ Oh no. It wasn't any easier but now he couldn't backspace. Finn realizes his mistake and it's too late. Oh no. ] I don't know what's going on in your heart, Rita, but like. Why aren't you worth being nice to?
[ if it were any other time, it might be easier to lie. because that's what rita has always been good at β lying, pretending, putting on the role that everyone would prefer to see. it comes with the territory of being an actress, with all the training she's done to be anyone else but herself.
but she's so exposed right now, with the way everyone had seen her on that public footage, that she doesn't know how to scramble herself back to the shape she typically molds herself into in front of everyone's eyes.
when finn switches to voice, it's all the more difficult to disguise it. ]
Because β [ does a teen really need to hear about her baggage? doesn't that just further prove the point of the kind of person she is? maybe it's because he's newer to the station so he hasn't been subjected to all of her facades all of these past months. ] Because I'm not a good person. We're all here because of our regrets. Well, mine β mine comes from one of many terrible things I did to people out of my own selfishness. And now I've tried to do things to make up for it, like trying to be a hero, but it's not that simple. You can't erase years of terrible things by doing good only for the sake of making yourself feel better about it.
[ Finn was right about one thing: voice did make things easier. Maybe it was the timber of her voice, the way it wobbled in places with the force of her convictions, or maybe it was the content of her words. Either way, Finn suddenly finds himself less unconcerned with getting this right. He forgets himself completely, actually.
The only person right now was Rita, and the only goal was to make her smile. ]
But--but being a hero isn't simple, either. [ That was a truth it took him a long time to understand, and even then Finn could hardly say he knew the depths of it. ] It's not--it's not this thing you're born into. Nobody's born bad. And people who say stuff like that are usually just trying to keep down the people they don't like.
[ Finn frowns deeper at that, a few instances passing through his mind. ]
'Cuz--'cuz you are a good person, Rita. You're really funny and you know everything about movies, and you have really good ideas for games and stuff when stuff gets boring. You're a movie star! And--and you always try really hard. Even if you screw up, at least you're trying.
[ As for for the sake of making yourself feel better, it's the one part Finn can't touch. He leaves it where it is, afraid to stray too close, lest he be reminded of his own regret. ]
If you were a bad person, you wouldn't care one way or the other.
[ she feels terrible for dragging finn into this, but it's the rita farr way. making a scene about her troubles, putting on a show of how utterly distraught she is. except for once, she really wished people hadn't seen her. not today. not like that.
when he responds, she can hear the desperate enthusiasm in his voice and, oh, how she wishes she could swallow it all up and take a piece of it for herself, to not be so easily pulled back into the corner of self deprivation the moment someone points out everything that's wrong with her.
even as he tries to point out the good, rita still wonders if it's enough. ]
What if my trying just hurts other people? Doesn't that defeat the purpose? Wouldn't that just negate the trying?
[ maybe she's being difficult, but β if she accepts all that positivity, isn't that just trying to put a mask over everything wrong about her again? ]
I'm sorry, Finn. Hearing you say all of that about me, it ... it really does make me happy to hear. I just β do you ever get scared that people who like you will find out about an ugly thing you did and they won't like you anymore?
[ Rita was right; there were limits to what a teenager could say, particularly this teenager. Finn's own method of working through those moments of doubt was often to dive into his own moody depression. Or, in the best case scenario, bury the bad feelings so deep inside himself that they couldn't possibly get out. That is, until they invariably did, even if Finn didn't have the experience or self-reflectiveness to recognize how point A led to point B.
Such as now, when her last sentence strikes a unpleasant chord inside his chest. ]
I--[ He stops short, face falling into an unseen frown. ] I don't know. I mean, I like to think everyone here's done some ugly stuff. That's why we're here, right? Maybe some are worse than other people, but... being here means wanting to undo that, right?
That has to count for something, doesn't it?
[ Is he reassuring himself or her? It's suddenly not very clear. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
text --> voice;
Now Finn got exactly what he wanted from an adult on this ship, finally, and he had no clue what to do with it.
that's not trueyou ARE worth it rita!!that sounds like a lotFinn shakes his head. Nothing was coming together right. He switches to voice, hoping the words would sound better with a voice attached to them... somehow. ]
I don't-- [ Oh no. It wasn't any easier but now he couldn't backspace. Finn realizes his mistake and it's too late. Oh no. ] I don't know what's going on in your heart, Rita, but like. Why aren't you worth being nice to?
sorry for her emotional dump, finn!!!
but she's so exposed right now, with the way everyone had seen her on that public footage, that she doesn't know how to scramble herself back to the shape she typically molds herself into in front of everyone's eyes.
when finn switches to voice, it's all the more difficult to disguise it. ]
Because β [ does a teen really need to hear about her baggage? doesn't that just further prove the point of the kind of person she is? maybe it's because he's newer to the station so he hasn't been subjected to all of her facades all of these past months. ] Because I'm not a good person. We're all here because of our regrets. Well, mine β mine comes from one of many terrible things I did to people out of my own selfishness. And now I've tried to do things to make up for it, like trying to be a hero, but it's not that simple. You can't erase years of terrible things by doing good only for the sake of making yourself feel better about it.
drinks it up with a straw
The only person right now was Rita, and the only goal was to make her smile. ]
But--but being a hero isn't simple, either. [ That was a truth it took him a long time to understand, and even then Finn could hardly say he knew the depths of it. ] It's not--it's not this thing you're born into. Nobody's born bad. And people who say stuff like that are usually just trying to keep down the people they don't like.
[ Finn frowns deeper at that, a few instances passing through his mind. ]
'Cuz--'cuz you are a good person, Rita. You're really funny and you know everything about movies, and you have really good ideas for games and stuff when stuff gets boring. You're a movie star! And--and you always try really hard. Even if you screw up, at least you're trying.
[ As for for the sake of making yourself feel better, it's the one part Finn can't touch. He leaves it where it is, afraid to stray too close, lest he be reminded of his own regret. ]
If you were a bad person, you wouldn't care one way or the other.
no subject
when he responds, she can hear the desperate enthusiasm in his voice and, oh, how she wishes she could swallow it all up and take a piece of it for herself, to not be so easily pulled back into the corner of self deprivation the moment someone points out everything that's wrong with her.
even as he tries to point out the good, rita still wonders if it's enough. ]
What if my trying just hurts other people? Doesn't that defeat the purpose? Wouldn't that just negate the trying?
[ maybe she's being difficult, but β if she accepts all that positivity, isn't that just trying to put a mask over everything wrong about her again? ]
I'm sorry, Finn. Hearing you say all of that about me, it ... it really does make me happy to hear. I just β do you ever get scared that people who like you will find out about an ugly thing you did and they won't like you anymore?
no subject
Such as now, when her last sentence strikes a unpleasant chord inside his chest. ]
I--[ He stops short, face falling into an unseen frown. ] I don't know. I mean, I like to think everyone here's done some ugly stuff. That's why we're here, right? Maybe some are worse than other people, but... being here means wanting to undo that, right?
That has to count for something, doesn't it?
[ Is he reassuring himself or her? It's suddenly not very clear. ]